Comments on: Domesticity and Feminism

By: Diane

Diane — Tue, 12 Apr 2005 12:10:11 +0000

Lovely essay. I always thought the whole idea of feminism was for women to be able to have a choice, and not be made to feel badly for the choice they took.

I too am domestic at the moment – keeping my small business running but in the background instead of full time. My fiance loves coming home to a place that is nurturing and relaxing. We have a great division of labor that works! I love making friends and family who come here feel cared for. I’m good at it and I don’t think that’s anything to be ashamed of but I know there are some who would think I’m wasting my life.

I don’t know how long this ‘resting’ will last, eventually I may decide I want to kick up my business into a higher gear but for now I’m happy making a home.

By: Leah

Leah — Sun, 27 Mar 2005 02:04:29 +0000

Hi Charlotte,

I was just reading a post over at Exigence: Time Demands and was surprised to see that you had left a comment on the Schiavo case. It sounds like you know A.V.

I don’t know her, except via email.

You see (and maybe you know this already) but she was the “Disapproving Feminist” who wrote me the post-Valentine’s Day e-mail

Surprising? Not surprising? It just struck me as a funny coincidence.

By: Becky

Becky — Sat, 05 Mar 2005 03:28:16 +0000

Beautiful post.

Like you, I was going to be a Career Woman and turn my back on all things domestic. I tried, sort of. And then I realized that I loved nothing more than cooking a great meal and drinking a bottle of superb wine with my husband in the beautiful home we have made together.

Bravo!

By: Paige

Paige — Tue, 22 Feb 2005 16:28:42 +0000

I think there is nothing more liberating than building a safe, loving domestic “homeland,” where others are welcome. Liberation is nothing more than being able to do what makes you happy, whatever that may be. Paige

By: Leah

Leah — Mon, 21 Feb 2005 14:24:18 +0000

Here’s a coincidence. I just happen to have a copy of “Miriam’s Kitchen” on my desk, the front cover folded back so that the opening line is always on display: “Work and house and errands and physical fitness and activities and things. The expediencies of every day. This cannot be all there is.” I agree with her, but find it curious that she doesn’t mention love, love of her immediate family. Is it because that’s almost too sacred to mention, or has that just become the backdrop to her life? She goes on to recognize her need for ritual, saying that it “contains a precious substance, though I cannot name it.” (Other writers have come closer to naming it.) Without passionate belief, she makes dedication to this ancient ritual a lifestyle choice. Though she says it’s not an empty vessel, I find myself wondering, without the faith of her ancestors, just how far it will go in fulfilling her, and am tempted to re-read it in order to find out. Oh, I think it’s a terrific book too, don’t get me wrong, but time and our own experiences can formulate new questions to bring to old favorites.

By: Charlotte Freeman

Charlotte Freeman — Sun, 20 Feb 2005 15:13:24 +0000

Thanks for the kind words — that person really made me angry — between the glib elision of domesticity and oppression, and that condescending academic tone — well, she hit all my buttons. It’s only people who could take the concept of “home” for granted who don’t seem to understand what an act of heroism it can be to build a home. I spent yesterday rereading Elizabeth Ehrlich’s lovely memoir “Miriam’s Kitchen” about how her love and admiration for her in-laws, Holocaust survivors, influenced her gradual move toward keeping a kosher kitchen. It’s a terrific book about the political and spiritual and ethical decisions that go into building an authentic domestic life.

By: carlakeet

carlakeet — Sun, 20 Feb 2005 14:56:12 +0000

What a beautiful essay, Charlotte. I find it both very moving and thought-provoking. Though the circumstances of my life are different, I could relate to your description of growing up in a house that was more “danger zone” than home. As an adult, I too have learned from scratch how to create a home: safe, peaceful, cheerful, my husband’s and my cherished space together. I hope that one day you will find true love again. And I feel quite certain you will, because there is nothing like your gifts for the domestic, delight in the everyday and capacity for friendship to create a home for abiding love.

By: Leah

Leah — Sun, 20 Feb 2005 02:32:43 +0000

You had become like Marilla and Matthew Cuthbert in Anne of Green Gables. All you had to do was adopt a red-headed orphan.

I think I was like you too–partly. I wasn’t going to live the same story as so many other women–but that never stopped me from being domestic for myself. My parents are also divorced. My mother ran her house much better than I do, but she had nothing else to occupy her mind other than soap operas and dreams of romance (and of other men.) So went the marriage.

I’ve been under a lot of brain strain lately, so thanks for writing this soothing, reassuring, heartfelt, gentle yet feisty domestic manifesto.