Believing - domestic life - gardening - grief

Gardening for your life …

The garden is finally starting to come in this summer. I’m on vacation for 2 weeks, and I spent a lovely morning the other day puttering in the vegetable garden. I pulled out all the peas, which did really well this year, but which were starting to get woody. The tomatoes are starting to pop after a couple of days of hot weather — it really takes until August to get a tomato around here, but once they get past that 6-inch stage it feels like summer’s really begun. I have a lot of greens, and more onions than I kind of meant to plant, and I’m waging a losing war against the flea beetles for the eggplants.

As I continue to tend to my garden, I’ve realized how important it is to have a place to store all my gardening tools and supplies. Between the weeding, watering, and harvesting, there’s always something that needs to be managed. Having a designated space to keep everything organized would definitely make my gardening tasks more efficient. I’ve been eyeing a few garden sheds for sale like those from Northern Star Sheds, hoping to find one that will fit all my tools, seeds, and even a few plant pots that are scattered around. It would be so nice to have everything in one place, tucked away and easily accessible whenever I need it.

It was such a lovely morning, just puttering. Pulling pea plants and harvesting what was left, putting in beans, some more lettuces. I’m also having work done on my house and my carpenter was hanging out in the backyard painting some boards which will replace the rotten ones he’s pulling off the house. Every once in a while one or the other of us would stop, look at something in the garden, chat — it’s been nice having some company — it’s the thing I miss most since Patrick died, just having someone friendly around, someone to chat with in that sort of idle, around-the-house kind of way. Turns out my carpenter used to have a garden. “I should start one up again,” he said at one point, eating a raw pea. “I mean, I got a dog again, maybe I should start another garden.” Turns out that like so many of us up here in this crazy little town, my carpenter had something of a breakdown a couple of years ago —

It’s one of the reasons I’ve insisted on keeping up the garden. I remember that first spring after Patrick died, when everything was so dark, when I kept telling myself “depressed people don’t start gardens. So, I must be okay.” It’s been a little grim around here lately — there have been a few too many days when the thought of living the next forty or fifty years alone without my brother seems hardly worth doing, but it’s the little stuff that can keep your head above water. Growing things that need tending. Taking care of the dogs. Getting the house fixed and painted. As the Dalai Lama once said: “make positive effort for the good.”

I'm a writer and editor based in Livingston, Montana. I moved to Livingston from the San Francisco Bay area in 2002 in search of affordable housing and a small community with a vibrant arts community. I found both. LivingSmall details my experience buying and renovating a house, building a garden, becoming a part of this community. It also chronicles my efforts to rebuild my life after the sudden death of my younger brother, and closest companion, Patrick in a car wreck.

3 Comments on “Gardening for your life …

  1. “il faut cultiver son jardin”…

    wise words…

    I, too, have dwelt in the dark days of depression, days when The Future seemed bleak and I felt worthless…

    On my worst days I escaped to my garden and, in the weeding and planting and trimming and toiling I lost myself for a few hours

    I’m sorry to hear thay you’ve been feeling low and I won’t presume to offer any trite homilies since we are cyber-strangers…

    all I can say is that I wish for the sun to shine on your garden…

    and where are the photos????

  2. I planted my first garden when I was 19…one of the first things I did coming out of a clincal depression. I wouldn’t want to be without one now. I feel empowered to provide so much of my own food directly.

    I came by way of Terrilyn who thought to tell me that you had lost your brother after reading my post on sibling loss today. I lost 2 brothers a month apart and continue to process it.

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